Monday, July 31, 2017

The Blackout! When I got Lost and had to escape the Darkness



     I have no idea what I am looking at! I'm staring into the darkness and staring down a creature that may or may not be there. My eyes have not caught it yet but there is something inside me that can just feel it. I felt it looking at me, just staring me down. Motionless with his eyes staring into my soul. I break my own stare and start to look down, somehow I am just now realizing that I haven't moved, no i'm unable to move. Scared stiff, every part of my body trapped in its current position. However my mind is running in circles at lightning speed. No thoughts or why, it is just taking off aimlessly.

     I shift my sights back to the shadows, trying to catch a glimpse of the creature before me. But nothing! Nothing is there. Why am I locked in this way? What is wrong with me? I retreat into my own mind and try to find my way through the rough dark terrain. Every step I take the world seems to rock and shift. The walls around me move and disappear. Even the ground shakes and cracks. If i'm not careful a chunk of it might just break off and disappear. The winds blow in a strange pattern, quick wisps like sand storms just taking everything with them.

     I take a deep breath and try to get ahold of myself and calm my mind. The storm slowed down for a moment and I see a speck of light. Is this really the craziness I put my mind though? Is this really all in my head? and for what? What happened that triggered this downward spiral deeper down the rabbit hole? I wrap my brain trying to think back and trying to gain my composure, but I just seem to get more lost.

     The shadows! This all started with the shadows. The darkness that seemed to surround me and the feeling of something hiding, waiting for me to let my guard down. A creature ready to destroy my soul and take over my mind.

     I take another deep breath and try to clear my mind. All the clutter that is bouncing around I let go of and try to give myself a clean canvas. I even feel myself start to move, letting go of more clutter. My mind begins to clear even more. I start moving and the action actually helps me to think a little more clearly and suddenly a bright light start to shine over the darkness. The sun has risen into this valley of shadows and I can see everything. there are no more shadows anywhere.

     A little confused but I start to think back. Trying to remember any kind of trigger point that could have happened before the blackout.

THAT'S IT!

     Suddenly the idea and time comes into my mind, almost clear as day. I was working on my project and it wasn't turning out as well as I had hoped. I was having fun but as I shamed the progress I didn't get any thoughts of recognition. the silence started to make me self concious and I began to doubt myself. I didn't mean to, it just happened and I falled further down the rabbit hole. That's when it all started, the creature in the shadows was born in my own personal fear. He then turned my world black and blinded me from the truth as I gave him more strength and attention. He put me into a mental trap that was tough to escape from. But I have survived and I have come out the other side stronger. I am here creating for me. My life is  mine to choose how to live and I should not let the thoughts or actions of others affect my dreams and passions.

Be you, don't let the thoughts or actions of others drive you off your path of your dreams and passions. Create because YOU want to and because YOU enjoy it! and just HAVE FUN with it!


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